There is a stage when toddlers test your limits, and assert their independence. This shows as the toddler being defiant. I'm not sure if all toddlers go through this, I guess a lot do, and Marek has just become one of them that do. How now? A lot of times there's power struggle-- sometimes we give in, other times he ends up crying or having tantrums, and some other times we just ignore his misbehaviour. On occasions, we are able to reason out with him and he understands, but sometimes he knows what is right but insists on what is wrong just so he could have his way.
Expert advice (What to Expect.com) includes: focusing on the positive, mean it when you say "no", and be consistent about the consequences; and by prevention-- explaining the reasons behind the rules, reducing unnecessary "no", not to admonish prematurely, encouraging self control, and acknowledging good behaviour.
Now, to help me know how to handle situations better, and for better parenting's sake, I'm reading the following the books: 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba, and Masterly Inactivity by Sonya Shafer. And I'm seriously considering buying Laying Down the Rails: A Charlotte Mason Habits Handbook, also by Sonya Shafer thru Simply Charlotte Mason.com.
I pray I can handle this phase well, be able to set rules that can be (and ought to be) followed without crushing spirits.
I sooo can relate. My two-year-old son always says, "No!". He now discovers that there is power in his words and he is pushing it to the limits. If it's not a need-now thing, or there's no immediate danger, or unless I really have to, I just leave him alone when he says no. And yeah, I try to limit my use of the word "NO" because it loses it's effectiveness when you use it often.
ReplyDeleteWith my son, I make him feel that he has a say on something. That way he feels like an authority and there's no need for struggle. How do I do it? Instead of asking, "do you want to eat?", I ask, "do you like banana or apple?". He feels like he has a say. Or when he needs to dress up, I ask,"Shorts or briefs?" Sometimes it doesn't work but the rest of the days, this makes it easy. When it doesn't work, I just give him a time to cool down. I pick him up and hug him. I take his mind off the cause of his tantrums, then when he's distracted, we do what is needed to be done.